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How to Quickly Raise Your EI - Emotional Intelligence

Did you know that there is something that many successful people possess that the vast majority of us are completely ignorant of?

            It’s not their networks and connections. It’s not their specialized knowledge. It’s not their inheriting vast sums of fortunes.

            What is it?

            Emotional Intelligence.

            What’s that? Why is it important?

            Emotional Intelligence (or EI for short) refers to an individual’s ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions. EI involves abilities and skills such as; being cognizant of others’ nonverbal signals and facial expressions, understanding emotions and why they are being expressed, and lastly, managing emotions. That is, to properly regulate and respond appropriately to feelings.

            Ok, so now why is EI significant?

            Numerous studies over the years have shown that people with a higher than average Emotional Intelligent tend to; possess greater mental health, have exemplary job performance and demonstrate superior leadership skills.

            Imagine this.

            It’s a sweltering day in August and you have just finished an exhausting day at work. You are dead-tired, hungry, stuck in traffic and to top it off your vehicle’s AC has broken!

            A couple of cars down you notice through your foggy rearview mirror a small, light-blue car incessantly honking and swerving in and out of traffic. Finally, he stops behind your car and blares his horn at what seems like a million decibels.

            What is this guy’s problem?!! What a JERK!

            You become enraged with anger and step out of your vehicle. You are too ensconced in fury to notice this guy’s mouth is moving. He needs to be taught a lesson for his rudeness, and you will be the one to teach it to him.

            Except….you were too angry to notice his nine-month old pregnant wife in his backseat, looking to be experiencing quite painful labor.

            Oops.

            Perhaps had you had a higher Emotional Intelligence level, you would have been able to firstly, better control your own emotional response and secondly, to better realize and understand why he was acting the way he was.

            So, Emotional Intelligence is important. What can I do about it?

            The great news for you is that Emotional Intelligence, like other things, is a skill in life that can be developed. Here are XXX practical ways to effectively improve your EI.

            1. Practice being aware of your feelings. One of the most immediate and pragmatic actions to developing a higher EI is through observation. Take ten minutes each day to sit in a quiet place and reflect on the day’s events. Take careful notice of how you feel as you relive the day. Or, set a timer on your watch or phone and record how you feel in reaction to things for a set time each day.

            One of the benefits to this exercise is in learning to trust your emotions, that in turn learns to better management.

            2. Practice empathy. Empathy is truly one of most practical of emotions in developing bonds with others, as it stands on a common understanding of what others may be going through. Notice how you feel when you notice a homeless man, or when another is going through a bad day. Ask yourself why you feel the way you do?

            3. Take responsibility. This is incredibly difficult, and yet incredibly important. Realize that at the end of the day, your emotions come you. They come from somewhere deep inside your soul. They do not come from others. If someone makes a snide remark about your appearance, and you belt out something hurtful in response, take ownership.

            Taking ownership is hugely important as it will force you to recognize and change your behavior, as you realize that it is you that has ultimate control over the emotional switches and buttons in your life.

            Similar to other skills, Emotional intelligence has quite a profound effect on the course one takes through life. To better manage and control your emotions, click here.

How to Survive and Thrive When You Have Hit Rock Bottom?

You are a failure. You’ve washed out. Been defeated. Collapsed. Maybe you have had some past successes in your life. But that doesn’t matter right now, does it? Nope. Not in the slightest. What matters right now is that you have or had some goal, and that goal has not been realized.

            Your business broke down. Your relationship with a loved one has deteriorated. Your health has imploded. Every wall that you have managed to put up around yourself, has crumbled into dust.

            It’s like….the entire Universe is against you.

            Let’s face it. You should just quit right now. Just give up. You won’t achieve your dream, your goal. It’s impossible. All the cards are stacked against you. The game is rigged against you. You feel like a miniature pawn being played on the giant chessboard of life, powerless to change and redirect reality as you see fit.

            So, why not just pack your bags right now, tuck your tail between your legs, go home and call it quits?

            Because you know deep down inside…that you don’t want to do that. You don’t want to quit. You know you have to keep on going.

            Your head however…which inside rests that marvel of biology, the human brain, is telling you something quite different. It’s telling you that past experience has proven to you that this isn’t going to work. It’s just not. It’s telling you to give up.

            So, what do you do? 
           

            Perspective, perspective, perspective.

            At the 2005 Kid’s Choice Awards, Hollywood Superstar Will Smith articulated what he considered to be the keys to life; running and reading. He narrated how, when you are able to defeat the “small man” inside your head that beckons you to quit when hitting the pavement, you will learn how to not surrender when life becomes too difficult.

            But it was his second point that is more pertinent. Smith declared that likewise to read is also the key to life. It goes something a little like this.

            There have been billions and billions of humans who have lived before you.

            At some point, there was a human, who had a problem exactly like yours, solved it, and then wrote that solution down in a book.
           
            The key point that I want to make to you, is not that you should read (although the benefits of that should be fairly obvious), but rather to keep perspective.

            Your problem is not exclusive. Your circumstances are not different. Your failure is not unique.
           
            Others have managed to overcome this problem. And you can (will!) to.

            Develop a Plan

            Anthony Robbins, one of the top motivational speakers in the world, dispenses upon his readers the desire for all humans to possess certainty.  When humans feel uncertain about their life or a particular aspect of it, they become restless and deeply troubled.

            Which is why the next step towards attaining a calm exterior and interior in the face of failure is through the development of a plan.

            Take out a piece of paper and a pen. Write out your goal in plain English at the top of the page. Write out, and be as absolutely detailed as you can, the steps that you can take to realize and achieve that goal. Write out actionable steps that you can take every day.

            Now hang this piece of paper up to where you can see it. Carry it with you. Recite it. It’s your key to overcoming failure.

            Remember, that nearly every successful human being on the face of the planet has been met with temporary setback. What set them apart was their insistence that that temporary setback need not be permanent defeat.

             If you liked this article, keep coming back for more free advice and resources. You can also check out my new book for more clarity and practical steps towards remaining calm and keeping perspective during personal failure, click this link.

5 Tips to a build a long lasting Relationship

Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.

William Arthur Ward

Hello my beautiful readers,
Here is an article about building long lasting relationships for those of you who are in search of love. I often see people around who share their relationship issues with me. Although the issues can vary from a jerk husband to a not-so-loving-but-a-safe-bet kind of husband, yet, they all have a similar pattern of underlying problems. It also makes me sad to see that people fight for each other when they are far apart and when they get to be with each other, they just fight with each other.

After a lot of reading and research, I found out some interesting and simple ideas that will help you build a long lasting relationship with your partner. If you follow these, you pretty much guarantee yourself to not fall out of a relationship. Here they are:

Precision- Who are you with
Many wonderful people are unhappy because of unhappy relationships. Ask yourself if you are with someone right for you. The other person does not have to be a monster for you to realize that this is an unhealthy relationship. Many good people may just not be good for each other. Are you compatible with your partner? For ex- Kathy (name changed) used to date a mountaineer. They were the perfect couple and she loved every bit of him in the beginning. But since she was not a person who could spend weeks under the stars or hike up the Everest, they soon fell out. Pretending to like things your partner likes, may give them a wrong impression of you. Get your precisions precise.

Reason- Why are you with this person
Think of the reasons why you are with someone. Is it because you fear being lonely and think this is the best you can do? Are you trying to prove to your family and friends that you can keep a relationship? Is it because this person is wealthy or beautiful and you can make your friends jealous about it? We all fall for these insecurities at some point or another and sub consciously chose the wrong people for the wrong reasons. Get your reasons right.

Constitution- Do you have ground rules
A football game and life MUST have one thing in common, if not more- that is ground rules. The basic rules to play by in a relationship. If anyone does not follow these rules, the game ends then and there. You can give your partner another chance though as relationships are more serious issues than that but give it a good thought if your partner constantly breaks the ground rules. Common examples could include things like respecting each others family members, no matter what. Design your own rules.

Improvisation- Fight fair and forgive
There is no couple that does not fight. If they don't, one of them is in suppression for sure and one night is sure planning to come after the other with a knife. Fight is good, if you do not agree, express it. It is OK to disagree with your partner and both partners must accept this fact. For whatever reason you fight, you must be sure that you fight fair. No name calling, no mean things, no foul language and issues of the past thrown around. Words once said, cannot be taken back. Don't say things that would hurt your partner beyond repair. Choose your arguments wisely.

Suffocation- Depend on yourself
Most couples fight with each other when their expectations are not met. Women complain that their men take them for granted and men complain that their women do not understand them. In reality, when you meet a person, in the initial stages, they are usually at their best behaviour. This gives you an impression of them that is only temporary. The longer you spend with this person, the better you know the real person. Based on what we see in the initial stages, we create a world of expectations around it. Later when these are not met, we feel hurt and betrayed. The key is to DEPEND ONLY ON YOURSELF FOR YOUR HAPPINESS. I cannot stress more on this. Having a partner to share your lfie with is great. But do not depend on your partner for happiness. Be happy yourself, do things that make you happy. Have a career or a hobby. Spend time nurturing your own personality rather than burdening your partner with the load of unmet needs.

Iam not saying that you must stop expecting anything from your partner. But have a life of your own that does NOT revolve around your partner. Spritual activities for instance, or purposeful living. Remember that if there is no space between two seeds when they are planted, one of them will grow and the other will definitely die under the shade of the other. Don't suffocate your partner. Give some space and be worthwhile to them.

I hope this makes sense and you establish a loving, long lasting relationship with your beloved. I would like to end by sharing one of my favorite poems with you.

Enjoy.

After a while 

you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't always promises 

and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn 

with every good-bye you learn.

 Author: Veronica A. Shoffstall

Love and Light,
Shahla

Congratulations, You've Failed.....BOOK Giveaway

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Congratulations You've Failed

by Shahla Khan

Giveaway ends July 01, 2014.

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What/who do you turn to for peace?

Are you connected with the best platforms of life?

Social Media platforms are a part of our life today. We all have some sorts of virtual accounts that connect us with thousands of others. I am sure you have come across viral videos and research lately that is pointing out the psychological damages of virtual networking on each user. We have this illusion in our minds that we are "connected" with so many people but the fact is we were never more lonely. Likes and status updates is just a bid for attention or an attempt to provoke envy, say the researchers.

I do have accounts on few platforms and while I cannot deny some benefits, I do agree with their negative aspects as well.

Anyways, this led me thinking, instead of Social Media Platforms, how about I focus on my Spiritual Media Platforms?

Don't know what that is?

No worries, its simple and will improve the quality of your life by 100%...


"Spiritual Media Platforms are those networks or connections that do not need technology and words."

Let me quote my example. I notice that the solution to most of my problems come from water, in water or around it. After a long tiring day, I need a long hot bath. After a long hot day, I need a dip in a cold pool. When it rains, I can spend hours under the bare sky. When I need to cry, I am in the shower. When I need inspiration for new ideas, I am in my bubbly bath, creasing my brows in deep thought as I pour fist fulls of water from one palm to another or scoop up some bubbles in my palm and blow them slowly as I think harder.

My spiritual connection is with water. Unfortunately, there is no beach near my home and I don't have access to the larger bodies of water (neither man made nor real). But I turn to water in whatever way I can, to find that spiritual connection and find my peace.


If you don't know your spiritual contact yet, you must focus on what has worked in the past. It could be-

1. Silent praying

2. A chat with your Mom

3. Gardening

4. Feeding the fishes or birds

5. Watching the stars glow

6. A walk in the park

7. Lay flat over the sands of an Arabian desert 

                     ........................................... the list goes on.

I am sure you have one too. Always cherish your connection with that one thing and spend more time with it than you do on other social media platforms that mitigate the quality of your life with crowds of school friends you never spoke with even when you sat in the next row to them.

I would love to hear from you about your spiritual connections. Let me know about some interesting and quirky connections you have made and how do they make you feel.

What/who do you turn to for peace?