Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.
William Arthur Ward
Hello my beautiful readers,
Here is an article about building long lasting relationships for those of you who are in search of love. I often see people around who share their relationship issues with me. Although the issues can vary from a jerk husband to a not-so-loving-but-a-safe-bet kind of husband, yet, they all have a similar pattern of underlying problems. It also makes me sad to see that people fight for each other when they are far apart and when they get to be with each other, they just fight with each other.
After a lot of reading and research, I found out some interesting and simple ideas that will help you build a long lasting relationship with your partner. If you follow these, you pretty much guarantee yourself to not fall out of a relationship. Here they are:
Precision- Who are you with
Many wonderful people are unhappy because of unhappy relationships. Ask yourself if you are with someone right for you. The other person does not have to be a monster for you to realize that this is an unhealthy relationship. Many good people may just not be good for each other. Are you compatible with your partner? For ex- Kathy (name changed) used to date a mountaineer. They were the perfect couple and she loved every bit of him in the beginning. But since she was not a person who could spend weeks under the stars or hike up the Everest, they soon fell out. Pretending to like things your partner likes, may give them a wrong impression of you. Get your precisions precise.
Reason- Why are you with this person
Think of the reasons why you are with someone. Is it because you fear being lonely and think this is the best you can do? Are you trying to prove to your family and friends that you can keep a relationship? Is it because this person is wealthy or beautiful and you can make your friends jealous about it? We all fall for these insecurities at some point or another and sub consciously chose the wrong people for the wrong reasons. Get your reasons right.
Constitution- Do you have ground rules
A football game and life MUST have one thing in common, if not more- that is ground rules. The basic rules to play by in a relationship. If anyone does not follow these rules, the game ends then and there. You can give your partner another chance though as relationships are more serious issues than that but give it a good thought if your partner constantly breaks the ground rules. Common examples could include things like respecting each others family members, no matter what. Design your own rules.
Improvisation- Fight fair and forgive
There is no couple that does not fight. If they don't, one of them is in suppression for sure and one night is sure planning to come after the other with a knife. Fight is good, if you do not agree, express it. It is OK to disagree with your partner and both partners must accept this fact. For whatever reason you fight, you must be sure that you fight fair. No name calling, no mean things, no foul language and issues of the past thrown around. Words once said, cannot be taken back. Don't say things that would hurt your partner beyond repair. Choose your arguments wisely.
Suffocation- Depend on yourself
Most couples fight with each other when their expectations are not met. Women complain that their men take them for granted and men complain that their women do not understand them. In reality, when you meet a person, in the initial stages, they are usually at their best behaviour. This gives you an impression of them that is only temporary. The longer you spend with this person, the better you know the real person. Based on what we see in the initial stages, we create a world of expectations around it. Later when these are not met, we feel hurt and betrayed. The key is to DEPEND ONLY ON YOURSELF FOR YOUR HAPPINESS. I cannot stress more on this. Having a partner to share your lfie with is great. But do not depend on your partner for happiness. Be happy yourself, do things that make you happy. Have a career or a hobby. Spend time nurturing your own personality rather than burdening your partner with the load of unmet needs.
Iam not saying that you must stop expecting anything from your partner. But have a life of your own that does NOT revolve around your partner. Spritual activities for instance, or purposeful living. Remember that if there is no space between two seeds when they are planted, one of them will grow and the other will definitely die under the shade of the other. Don't suffocate your partner. Give some space and be worthwhile to them.
I hope this makes sense and you establish a loving, long lasting relationship with your beloved. I would like to end by sharing one of my favorite poems with you.
Enjoy.
After a while
you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't always promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn
with every good-bye you learn.
Author: Veronica A. Shoffstall
Love and Light,
Shahla
